Wednesday, 6 April 2011

sinking slowly

I kept on hoping for the whole winter that it was just the weather, that it was just the lack of sun.
But it is't. Now the sun is staying on for much longer, sky is shining and weather is getting warmer. And yet I'm still depressed.

It seems to me that I'm not living, barely existing, letting real life runs away.

Everything seems unmoving: baking, taking photographs, writing this blog, going out with some friends... everything is kind of sucked into a huge black hole. I might still be doing some of this stuff, but they don't make me happy or satisfy me anymore. I just do it out of habit or because people expect me to do so.


I don't even bother to mask the binge eating attacks anymore. Partially because I don't care, partially because I know that people don't care; or they can't or don't want to understand. Fair enough, living in this city is stressfull enough to make anybody (including myself) quite uncaring.


I look at this picture of me and it seems taken a life time ago:

heard 'em saying

I was recovering from chicken pox and mending a broken heart, yet I looked so much more relaxed, so much happier than I am now.
I wonder if I'll ever feel the same again.



6 comments:

  1. Oh no, Virgi, sounds bad. What can I do to help? I will see you next week when you are at Southwood and can help you then. I know you think now you won't ever get any better but you will! You just have to hang on. Let your friends help you. I will do whatever I can. xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Virginia, la mia amica lontana, spero che sarai piu' felice presto!

    Forse il tempo ti fa sentire "blue," certo! Vorrei ti spedire il sole dalla nostra regione qui, negli Stati Uniti---e' primavera, i uccielli cantate, i fiori sono belli.

    Sei giovana, sei intelligente, sei bella---hai molti amici...la vita e' bella.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ooooops---mi dispace---non scrivo (o parlo) italiano bene! "Cantano", non "cantate"...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Oh I could understand most of that Brenda. I must be secretly Italian....

    So worried about our Virgi.

    ReplyDelete
  5. saying out loud (or writing it, for that matter) is already a good step to start feeling better.
    And it's nice to read reassuring and heartfelt comments from you girls, I'm really touched!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Si che ti sentirai ancora così...!!!!!

    ReplyDelete