Wednesday, 29 February 2012

ohmygod! shataaaap!

I had no TV in England for quite a long time and lived of reruns on BBC iPlayer.
My friend Beth knew that and felt it was her duty to show me what I was missing out by not having a TV and not having a pay-TV subscription.

Any dinner or party at Vasi's had to include at least 10 minutes of junk TV. The junkier the better.
I think she enjoys watching me watching TV (ah ah), squirming with embarrassment. If there's one state of mind that trash TV makes me painfully aware of is self-consciousness. I watch the people on TV making a fool of themselves, showing themselves at their worst; or is it their best? I'm not sure I want an answer for this question
They go on displaying how limited their view on the world is, how thick their minds are and they just think they are the coolest people on the planet. Well, I watch them and I feel embarrassed and self-conscious on their behalf.

I went back to England to visit Beth last weekend and I think she outdid herself on this matter. She made me watch "The only way is Essex", or Towie.
I had read something about it in the past and I thought I was prepared for what I was about to watch. Naive Virgi!
It is so bad, so intrinsically and extrinsically bad, so-so-so-so bad that I don't even know where to start to describe how bad it is, that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to find a way to describe all the different way it is bad.

It is so bad that I can't even feel embarrassed for the people in it! They are such a bunch of egotistical, clueless of anything going on in the world outside the spray-tan salon that I just find myself hoping they are not real. 
I'm not even sure exactly which part of the whole show is the worse: the fact they all look like carrot? Or the realization that their teeth look as big as those of an horse? With a better oral hygiene, but still as big as horse teeth.
More than the huge fake boobs, it was the spread of huge fake eyelashes that really got me: how can the girls keep a balance? How can they wear  those eyelashes without their weights bringing them to fall forward?

And then there is the Essex accent. Beth and I watched on BBC news how a school in Essex has elocution classes to help its pupils to learn how to speak properly so they can read better and spell correctly.
Every accent is a fascinating world to me, I like the notion that even when speaking a common language, the way it's spoken gives away so many details about the people that is currently talking.

Yet their strong accent, combined with their standard conversation is a unique, unnerving combination: "Ohmygod! shaaatap, I'm so jel, yeah, no, younouwatimean? Soooo fuuuunny! Don't be jel of my fake boobs, babes! You just need a bit of fake tan, ohmygod! It's so reem, ohmygod, we got fake boobs and we're on telly, you don't say it!"

So after watching around 10 minutes of it and suffering through every single second of it, I am pretty confident nothing that trash TV can throw at me can scare me any longer.
The downside is that part of my brain is now talking to me in TOWIE accent and ohmygod!, no matter how many time I told it to shaaataaap it never does: not reem at all!

1 comment:

  1. My job here is done ... Mwa mwa hahaha ...

    Tea volly-yo Benny sigh :)